Overfunctioning and Underfunctioning

The defining characteristic of Bowen Family Systems Theory is the concept of differentiation. Differentiation is roughly defined as the degree to which a person is able to be there own person emotionally. Highly differentiated people do not take on the anxiety of others, they take responsibility for their own emotional well-being, and they don't rely on other's opinions for the source of self-esteem and emotional well-being. Differentiation is learned from our parents, our peers, and most importantly, our culture, but ultimately, each individual decides the level of emotional capitol he or she will put in other people. That's a simplistic definition, but I think you get the idea. (Some define differentiation as the ability to separate emotions and reason in dealing with relationships. While there are elements of this in differentiation, this is way too simplistic and in some instances completely false. Sometimes emotions are based in reason, and to separate them completely negates an essential part of the human experience.)

According to some theorists, including Murray Bowen, people can be divided into two types: overfunctioners and underfunctioners. Functioning positions operate in reciprocal relationship to one another. Someone who "overfunctions," takes greater responsibility in the relationship or in the system, relates to another who "underfunctions," takes less responsibility. They each shape the attitudes, feelings and behavior of the other. The overfunctioning person feels responsible for the emotional well-being of the other, and works (often very hard) to make up for perceived deficiency in the other's functioning. The underfunctioning person is dependent on the other. But this should not be seen as a dichotomy, but rather as a continuum. The opposite ends of the continuum (extreme overfunctioning and extreme underfunctioning) represent positions of low differentiation. The preferred position is in the middle, which represents a high level of differentiation (i.e. I neither feel the need to take care of my partner's emotions, nor do I need them to take care of mine; I take complete responsibility for my own emotional well-being. I am not emotionally reactive to the other, but I understand and moderate my emotions.) Bowen would say, and I would agree, that no one is completely differentiated, and everyone is more or less a over/underfunctioner, although some are closer to the middle of the continuum than others (i.e. more highly differentiated).

Another piece of this puzzle is that Bowen claims that we partner with a person who is similar in differentiation to ourselves but on the other end of the continuum. In other words, overfunctioners marry underfunctioners who are at similar levels of differentiation. While I generally agree, I think it may be a falacy to assume that this happens accross the board. That is why I chose to write about this. I am currently seeing a couple in co-therapy with my supervisor who seems to fit into this paradigm. Although he appears to be the strong one in the relationship, my co-therapist believes that he is the underfunctioner because he plays the role of the victim. He relies on others to take care of him emotionally by focusing on others' problems while avoiding his own. She, on the other hand, takes on much of the emotional responsibility for the two of them. She blames herself for their problems and is the emotional scapegoat. According to Bowen (and my co-therapist), he is the underfunctioner, and she is the overfunctioner, but is that really the case? Perhaps they are each overfunctioners about some things and underfunctioners about others. They are comfortable addressing her problems while avoiding his, but does that comfort necessarily mean that she is overfunctioning? She invests her emotional well-being in him just as much as he does in her. She avoids confrontation as much as he does, and despite the fact that they more readily address her problems than his, it's difficult to see that she takes responsibility for him or her. As an overfunctioner, wouldn't she feel a certain responsibility for his emotional well-being? I simply don't see that.

As I continue to address this case and this issue, I suspect that my co-therapist and I will continue to see the theoretical problem differently, but we should certainly address the nature of their over/underfunctioning relationship. Does it matter who is which one? The net effect is that they both operate out of positions of low differentiation, placing too much emotional capitol in the other. The goal of therapy should be to get them to take responsibility for their own emotional well-being, regardless of the direction from which they come.